Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Giants Going ‘Big Time’

Jersey City Giants owner Donald Trump held an announcement ceremony on the eve of Spring Training at a location in The Bronx today. There, the owner was flanked by the mayor of New York City and officials from the ULB, including Commissioner Steve Greenberg. Trump announced that the Giants would be moving to a new ballpark to be built in the Ferry Point area in the Bronx. Sitting at the foot of the Whitestone Bridge in the Bronx, it will be designed specifically to take advantage of spectacular views of the Manhattan skyline, East River, and Whitestone and Throgs Neck Bridges.

When the Giants walk off the field for the final time this season, it will be the end of an era.
When the Giants walk off the field for the final time this season, it will be the end of a 15 year era in NJ.

Trump expressed his gratitude to the city of Jersey City, NJ and hopes that fans will continue to support the club after they move across the Hudson to The Big Apple.

“The Giants are going Big Time in New York City, and we will dominate the rest of the league with an exceptional General Manager, Staff and players. This move will allow us to increase revenue and put this team not just at a National stage, but a Global stage.” said the eccentric owner.

Fans on the street weren’t as impressed.

“Nah, ain’t gonna be following Trump’s G’s in N Y C. We still got the Devils, I guess.” said one fan, mad at another sports franchise abandoning New Jersey.

In Wake of Katrina, Gold Sox Forced to Depart New Orleans

With Hurricane Katrina having decimated the City of New Orleans and the surrounding area, the New Orleans Gold Sox have been relocated by Union League Baseball to the city of Kansas City, Missouri. Kauffman Stadium, the former home of the Kansas City Royals has sat vacant since the Royals moved to San Antonio in 2003.

“This is a temporary situation.” said ULB Commissioner Steve Greenberg.

The Superdome was used as a 'Shelter of Last Resort' for many residents of New Orleans.
The Superdome was used as a ‘Shelter of Last Resort’ for many residents of New Orleans.

The Superdome was used as an emergency shelter for nearly 25,000 people and 500 National Guardsmen during and after the storm. While the Superdome rode out the storm, it was not unscathed. On August 29, at about 9:00 AM EDT, reports from inside the Superdome were that part of the roof was “peeling off,” daylight could be seen from inside the dome, and rain was pouring in. The Associated Press stated there were two holes, “each about 15 to 20 feet (6.1 m) long and 4 to 5 feet (1.5 m) wide,” and that water was making its way in at elevator shafts and other small openings.

Gold Sox Owner Bryan Glazer talked to reporters in Salt Lake City on August 31st before the Gold Sox took the field for the first time since the disaster struck.

“We will be back. Maybe not tonight, nor next week, but the Gold Sox will return to New Orleans. Don’t ask me when, or where we are going to play until we can return. We’re not sure right now.”

A day later, the Mayor of Kansas City, Kay Barnes, reached out and offered her support. The former home of the Royals stood vacant, waiting. Other cities offered support, such as the former home of the ULB’s Canucks in Vancouver, Detroit’s Tiger Stadium, and Jersey City Giants owner Donald Trump offered the use of Trump Field for the duration of the 2005 season. After several high level meetings between Glazer, Greenberg and other ULB officials, Kansas City was chosen as the temporary home of the Gold Sox.

After officials were able to enter the site of the Superdome on September 3rd, it quickly became apparent that the Gold Sox would not be returning this season.

Glazer choked back tears as he talked about his tour of the Superdome with Commissioner Greenberg, Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco and President John McCain.

“The damage is extensive. Clean up is going to take some time. It’s a somber place right now. The city is hurting. Baseball is secondary right now. We’re going to do what we can to help. New Orleans will rebuild.”

Fire Win Cup, Vince McMahon Returns From the Dead

The Phoenix Fire won the Union Cup, but didn’t get to celebrate with it for long, as former Owner Vince McMahon returned during their victory parade.  After the fire disposed of the Storm in an epic seven game series, the Fire returned home as champions. Current owner Shane McMahon, the son of former owner Vince McMahon, arranged for the Fire to have a victory parade to America West Arena, the site of that night’s  WWE Monday Night Raw, where Shane McMahon is also the current CEO following the apparent death of Vince McMahon back in February of 2003. During the parade, Shane McMahon was attacked from behind by his father, who then proceeded to take the Union Cup from Postseason MVP Kenneth Payne. Felix Vega attempted to tackle the former Fire Owner, but was blindsided by WWE wrestler and Hollywood star The Rock, who was celebrating with the Fire.

McMahon screamed that “Phoenix doesn’t deserve this!” and proceeded to vanish into the crowd with the Cup with The Rock at his side. Union League Commissioner Fay Vincent, who was on hand for the event, called it “The most despicable thing I’ve ever seen.”

McMahon’s former rival, Jersey City Giants owner Donald Trump said that McMahon had “obviously lost his mind” and couldn’t “stand his son eclipsing his own accomplishments.”

Later that night, Shane McMahon tasked WWE wrestlers John Bradshaw and Ron Simmons with finding his father and returning the Union Cup to where it belongs, the city of Phoenix.

Huff Speaks

Two years ago Jersey City GM/Manager Ryan Huff was on top of the of the world.  He had five straight first place finishes and two ULB Cups.  Huff was the hottest thing on the block and was rumored to have offers from multiple MLB teams.  Instead he chose to stay with the man that gave him his first legitimate opportunity in professional baseball, Mr. Donald Trump.

Now the Giants find themselves as one of the biggest questions marks in the ULB.  After back to back 70 win seasons with no real shot at the post-season Trump’s patience is growing thin.  Any real baseball fan will know that all of this cannot fall on Huff’s shoulders.  The freak injury that happened to Alex Rodriguez and left him with post-concussion syndrome for the greater part of those two seasons is something that no team can prepare for.

In an exclusive with The Times of Trenton Huff aired out all the dirty laundry and the panties too.  Huff stated that “Don is one of the smartest men I know but at the same time he is a horrible communicator.  If he has a problem with the direction of this team then needs to say it to my face and not behind my back.   When your superstar player that makes up a third of the teams salary goes down for that long what can he expect me to do?  Frankly I am sick and tired of his bad hair, fake tans, and unpredictable personality.”

“We had a good run but now it is time to look towards the future and start another streak.  You need to set expectations at a realistic level.  Don tells me every season to go out there and win the championship.  Winning it all should be a goal and not an expectation.”

The future is looking good in Jersey City though as they won the first pick in this years draft lottery.

Mr. Trump’s representatives had no comment on the situation.

Jersey City Giants Fire Team Doctor after ‘Incident’

Owner Donald Trump Fired Fake Giants Doctor

The Jersey City Giants have fired their Team Doctor after an investigation showed that he was not, in fact, an Actual Doctor. Owner Donald Trump fired Joseph Rosenbum and is filing criminal charges against the fraudulent doctor.

“The sheer inability of my staff to figure this out is quite frankly, apalling to me.” said Trump in a press conference, while a somber looking Ryan Huff looked uncomfortable.

Rosenbum is being charged with unlawfully practicing medicine, and could face other charges including unlawfully prescribing medicine, and illegally getting wages from the employer.

“I think he gave me candy for my torn rotator cuff. They tasted like Skittles. He also told me to walk it off, and I explained it was my arm, not my leg. He was very weird. Who wears flipflops to work when you’re a doctor?” commented the recently injured Kerry Ligtenberg.

Trump Calls out Huff

Donald Ttump
Giants owner Donald Trump puts Huff on Hot Seat

Jersey City Giants owner Donald Trump has put General Manager Ryan Huff on the hot seat after 2-3 start to season. “I told him before the season started that these Giants need to get back to the Union Cup. 2-3 is not a good start. Any other outcome is not an option.  We made some moves this offseason, and I liked adding our new Ace in Sele and our new closer in Nenn. Newton is out new leadoff guy. I’ve spent 4 million in surgery costs to put our main slugger’s head back together, and the doctors tell me he could be back for the playoffs. Huff needs to get us there. Or he’s fired. F. I. R. E. D. Capital letters.”

It remains to be seen if Huff will be able to endure the heat at this time. Or if he’ll crack under the pressure and leave the Giants organization one way or the other.

New Jersey Giants Owner Displeased with Performance

9/10/1995

Jersey City, NJ – Donald Trump isn’t one to mince words. Today he told reporters that Giants GM Richard McNeal is on the hot seat, despite being in first place in his division.

Giants GM McNeal May be Fired if New Jersey doesn't win Union Cup.
Giants GM McNeal May be Fired if New Jersey doesn’t win Union Cup.

McNeal and Trump haven’t gotten along well this season, with Trump second guessing every move the Giants have made. Trump recently remarked that closer Mitch Williams shouldn’t even be playing baseball after his epic failure in the MLB’s World Series in 1993.

“I wouldn’t have signed him to any deal. I though we were signing a different Mitch Williams when the contract crossed my desk. You lose like that, you should go hide under a rock for the rest of your life if you ask me.”

Trump has recently been spotted at Newark Bison playoff games, chatting with Bison Manager Ryan Huff, adding to speculation that Huff may be Trump’s candidate to replace McNeal if the Giants fail to win the Union Cup.

McNeal, who has frequently refused to discuss his status with the Giants and Trump, was only willing to say that he’s done the best he can this season, and that it’s the Donald’s decision in the end.

“I know he likes to say those two words. I have a couple words for him as well. Shut up and let me do my Job.”